3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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