I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
