Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
