I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I think I won the penis lottery.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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