Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
