I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
