dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
