You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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