I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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