Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
This is my gift to your gina
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
