I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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