It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
