"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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