I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
