My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
