the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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