So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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