Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The power of my boobs compel you
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
