I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
