I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
