I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
a search helicopter?!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
