I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
