I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
...so i touched it.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
