I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I AM VODKA MAN
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
