walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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