Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
