You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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