I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
