farters have to be the big spoon...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
