doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
