Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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