Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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