I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
