the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
