Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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