Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
