Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
