Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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