i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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