I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
