I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
