And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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