goodnight i made you a song goodbye
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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