I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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