ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
