Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
