I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
