guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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