FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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