what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
