I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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