i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i drank out of a bidet.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
