My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
