clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
