GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
