The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize