not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
