All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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