it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I can text with my tongue
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
