Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
