I think I can smell my own vagina right now
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
