Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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