I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
