actually, I'm a sock model
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
