If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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