alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
