paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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