LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
