I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
