Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
