You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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