I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
