There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
