He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
