he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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