Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
