Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
