Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
