listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize