i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
