i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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