he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize