Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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