Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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