Where did you get a picture of my penis
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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