Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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