Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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