Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Congratulations! We have a period
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