Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
