My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
