I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
