I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
