I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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