At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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