My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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