the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
