His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Randomize
