Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
