I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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