i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
